When you are growing up, you hear beautiful stories about princesses, happy endings and how being honest with someone can lead you to eternal happiness... or something like that.
I opened up to someone I have cared about for almost 2 years. Like. REALLY cared about. I was honest and - for the first time in 26 years - I let myself feel without thinking of any consequences. No. I am not taking back my sentimental declaration from a few weeks back. I am definitely not taking back what I said, what I felt or anything else. I am glad I did it. I loved the rush of expressing my feelings. I loved the way he looked at me. I loved his reaction. I loved his phone call. I loved the "what's next?"... but.... to answer your questions:
No. We are not together.
No. We never went on that date.
Yes. We talk at work.
Yes. My feelings are exactly the same.
No. He did not call.
I counted down the days to... well, I counted down until I realized that he wouldn't call. I counted down until I stopped looking at my phone every five seconds. I counted down and told myself it was ok. Yes. I was a little sad, but I am happy. I am proud of myself for doing something I had never done before. The adventure is obviously over, but I still enjoy watching him eating his pb+j sandwich during 5th period. I still chuckle when I hear him laugh. I highly doubt I will stop caring, and I highly doubt that he will be able to forget the things I said.
I guess what I am trying to get to is that, like Taylor Swift says:
I'm not a princess
This ain't a fairy tale...
This ain't Hollywood...
I was a dreamer...
Now it's too late for you and your white horse.
There are no white horses, and I don't get the happy ending. Yet. And I am ok with that. I will have the story, I will have the memory of that night and I will always be able to look back, smile and tell myself that I did all I could. I will never wonder "what if."
You never know...With time he might realize what he's missing out on. Or you may stay friends, and I know that's OK, too. Love you and miss you!
ReplyDeleteYa know, I did the same thing a few months ago. Made a decision to live my life with no regrets and put it all out there. Did it work out how I wanted at that time? No. But looking back, is it the best thing that could have happened? Yes.
ReplyDeleteGood for you love!