of social experiments

as mentioned previously, this program is very intensive and it is also slowly breaking us apart. we second guess our life choices, our knowledge, our organizational skills, and probably even our undergrad choices because we have been told "we don't know enough about our subject area." it feels like someone is pushing us down with a thumb - pressing us hard against a very solid surface and squeezing everything possible out of us.
there is a very clear feeling of tension in our class too. there seems to be a competition between the older people and the younger people, the ones who are done this semester and the ones who have just started. my group of 5 friends has been accused of being "clique-y" because apparently it's not ok for you to form friendships within a class of 20. we have snapped at each other. we have had beers in the dorms out for everyone to see while we stay up til 1 am working. we have cried alone, and as a group. we have broken up with boyfriends, had fights with parents, had fights with significant others, celebrated our triumphs over reading a 90-page baroque-style play and bitched about professors who are not clear about their expectations.
this month has definitely turned out to be a social experiment, not just for me, but for all of us. we are experiencing "living with colleagues" - it's made me think it's a little bit like the real world... people are done being polite and have started getting REAL.
today is the first night since our first day of class on June 6th that I am done with work before 12 or 1 am. it almost feels like there is something that i haven't done, that i have forgotten - it can't be that i am actually going to get to sleep for over 8 hours for the first time in... 10 days. like... sleep without worrying of what i need to get done at 5:30 when i wake up the next morning!!
while it probably sounds terrible to you, the experience has also made me realize how much i missed being in a classroom setting as a student rather than as the educator. it has been a really positive experience as far as knowledge, because our pedagogy class was amazing and i am =for the first time in 26 years of life= appreciating poetry. i guess we do get a little bit better and smarter with age, right?
anyway. it's 9 pm and i think it's time for bed. i hope you're all doing well. stay cool, and dont forget to watch the gold cup!!!

<3

b