of NOVEMBER

I have never been happier to say goodbye to a month as I have been to say goodbye to October of 2013. I don't think I will ever feel the same about this month after everything I went through this year. It will forever be the month in which I lost my grandpa, the month in which I lost a little piece of me.
I left on October 5th to go to Panama. My mother and I set out on the mission to create comfort and give dignity to my grandpa as he returned home (doctors could not do anything more) and spent his last few months/year? at the house where he saw his kids and his grandkids grow up.
On Sunday morning, my grandpa came home from the hospital. He looked skinnier, weaker, but he knew we were there. He walked and whistled his way into his bedroom. He ate ice cream and asked for cake. We all obliged. On Monday morning, my grandpa went back into the hospital to receive a mild chemo treatment to stop the growth of his tumor.
That's when it all started to go downhill. Out of the week I spent sitting by my grandpa, he only knew I was there, his daughter was there, on that first day. Chemo took away his consciousness, it confused him, and it sucked out the little bit of my grandpa that was left in him.
The things I had to see, the things I had to withstand. His suffering. Our suffering. I can't put it into words and I won't, because I don't have them.
On Saturday, October 12th, we went over to say goodbye to grandpa - my mom and I had tickets to come back that morning. We decided to stay. He had gotten worse.
He passed at 2:30 am on October 13th. I am no longer that lucky person with all four of their grandparents. He was taken away from us, and I am thankful that he went quickly. I am thankful that I saw him, that I kissed him goodnight and goodbye the next morning. I am broken, but I will patch myself back up again.
I came back on October 18th. I was glad to be home. I missed the tranquility of being in Colorado. I missed my bed. I jumped right back into work to not think about it all. Every time I do, my eyes swell up. I don't know how much longer til I can talk about it without crying my eyes out.
Tomorrow it will be three weeks. My, how time flies.