of standstills

It's been a few days since I have blogged. It is not for lack of things to say, as my mind has been racing non stop since the early hours of the morning on March 12th... My mind hasn't stopped racing, my heart has had several stop+go moments, and my career has reached a completely new level.
I guess I can start with my career.
I made it. I reached my goal. At 26 years of age, I have been given the opportunity to practice my career, the "thing" I went to college for. At 26 I am a second-year teacher. I have my own classroom. I have a group of students who care about me. I have a group of students who hates me (and that's how you know you've made it in teaching!). I teach an upper division. I am part of the leadership of the school, by advising the freshman class. I am involved. I look forward to what I do. While there is always a complain (I AM ONLY HUMAN!). I am in love with my job, as you all know very well.
...and on Wednesday, it was confirmed. What I set out to do on September of 2004, on my first year of college, is upon me. I am the new AP Spanish teacher at the school. I won't be teaching until next school year, but the students have been told. A decision has been made. The only thing standing between me and teaching the AP class, is turning in a syllabus to the CollegeBoard peeps. So... I am pretty much good to go for the school year of '11-'12.
What's next? If I have reached the cusp. If I am at my goal. What is in store for me next? I don't wish to be an administrator, and I know I have just gone back to school... however my career dream has arrived about 5 years too early and now I am at a standstill. Now I can't help but wonder... what's "up" from here? what's my next "step up?" Is this it?
I obviously will keep striving to be the best teacher I can be. I will continue to prepare myself. I will continue to evolve. I will continue to get educated. I will continue to fall in love with teaching on good days, and falling out of love with teaching on those awful days. I will continue to wonder if I am doing everything I can do to motivate my students. I will continue to laugh with my kids, and let kids laugh with me. I will continue to instill good values. I will continue to expect only the best... but what's next? Where do I go from here?
It honestly surprised me. When the school year started, AP seemed like years away. It seemed like a lofty goal. Now that it is here, I question whether or not I am good enough. Will I be good enough?
So, my career is obviously... on the green. We are good. I just have to figure out my priorities and set new goals for myself... I want to be Suma, Magna... I want honors in my MA program. I can do it. I will try to make it happen.
My personal life has taken many turns in the past week. I am not even sure that I should be writing about it, but many things changed. It's been crazy. I can't believe so much can happen in a matter of 24, 36, 48, 72 hours... heck. 15 minutes.
I woke up on Friday and got ready for school. By the end of the day I had learned that my bio love was going on a blind date on Saturday. Gossip travels fast in a school governed by women. I freaked out a little bit. I actually think I may have shrieked. How can I let this happen without doing something about it? I should just tell him! I am going to waltz into his classroom and tell him.
No. I didn't.
Like every other Friday, we met up for drinks after school. He came. He told us all about this girl. Behind the sunglasses I was wearing, tears were swelling up, but I kept my cool. We had good laughs... one beer turned into several hours of hangin' out. We moved locations to Pearl in Denver, where we met up with a group of Jill's friends.
It was all in good fun, and to keep my feelings in check I kept my distance. No drama to speak of, just  safe distance where conversation was minimal and I was spending time with Jill's friends. At the end of the night, my need for distance caught up with me. He waltzed into my comfort zone and asked me if he had done anything to upset me. I said no. He wouldn't drop it. So I finally told him everything.
"I have been waiting for an entire year for you to return from Australia. I was fully expecting you wouldn't come back. I have kicked myself for 365 days for not talking to you, for getting to know you. I am lucky to be here, to spend time with you, and I don't want to ruin that. I think you're a great guy. I just can't handle the idea of you going on a date and being clueless about how I feel. So there you go. That's the story." As I picked up my bag to leave, he grabbed my hand and kissed me. I wasn't not going to kiss him back... so you can say we definitely kissed.
The night ended. Everyone went home. For 48 hours I wondered about the consequences of that kiss. No phone call. No text. No email. Nothing.
School on Monday: most dreaded day of my existence. I saw him for about 45 seconds... our conversation consisted of an awkward walk-by "Hi.." and an awkward "Bye."
School on Tuesday: picture about the same.
I came home two days in a row and did something I hadn't done since I had mono in the fall of 08: I came home and went to bed. Woke up. Ate dinner. Went back to bed. I was really!#%*& sad.
... but on Tuesday night, my phone went off at about 9 pm. I almost let it go to voicemail, but for some reason I picked it up: BW. I cleared my throat and nervously picked up. It was the voice I have been waiting to hear, and the conversation I had been longing to have.
It went somewhere along the line of:
"How was your day?"
"I hate this."
"I didn't know what to do."
"I don't know what to do next."
"I would be a sucky boyfriend."
"You are such an amazing girl."
"No one had ever said something like what you said to me. Hell, I haven't even said something like that to anyone!"
"I want to take you out to dinner."
....
And we hung up and it's been great since. We have conversed. We hung out on Thursday for March Madness @ Lodo's. No awkwardness...
Now I am nerdily counting down the days. Our date/dinner/thing won't happen til after break. Of course, instead of enjoying myself I am hoping the days will go quickly so we can figure out what the hell is going to happen.
I never thought it would even be an option.
Now it's all here. I am at a standstill...