I fell off the wagon. Hard. Between the teacher who must not be named, and dating Mr. WhatshouldIcallhim?, school this summer and being gone for a total of two weeks in two different conferences... I hit rock bottom. I stopped working out. I stopped eating well. It sucks that all the hard work that took me to the smallest sizes I have ever fit into went into the sh*thole and I am starting over. Literally. I gained every.single.pound I lost last year in a matter of six months. SIX FREAKING MONTHS. How does that happen? It comes with dating. Dating SUCKS. That's why I am not dating anymore...
I have decided to once again focus on myself. I have been diligently going to Yoga as much as I can, I have gotten involved in a musical to keep my mind off of food during the weekend, I started counting points and I can already tell a big difference. I feel so much better already, and I haven't lost anything of substance yet. It is incredible how we can just let go and mess up our bodies so much. NEVER.Again. You read me? NEVER.AGAIN. Wanna date me? Keep my number around and call me in a year when I will have lost every single pound I need to lose and then some... and then we can talk.
I am mentally exhausted, but really enjoying teaching. I have never worked harder than the past six weeks, but at the same time there is something different about this year. I am yelling less and getting to know kids as much as I can at a faster pace. I am on track with our PLC work, I am organizing homecoming, I am getting involved even more at school... it feels better. I wonder if it is the whole "third year teacher" thing. I don't feel as stressed, because I already know how things work at school... mind you, I am not as stressed - but I am twice as tired as I was last year this point in time. Hopefully once I start getting my booty in gear I won't feel as tired...
I cried today in Chicken Little's office. First tears of the year. September 28th, 2011. That, I believe, is record.
I have a student who reminds me of that thug kid I wrote about last year. The difference is this kid is as apathetic as they come, doesn't come to school and never makes up his school work. Doesn't mess with me like AF used to, just sits. Dude. If you're just going to SIT, then stay at home. I have spoken to him about his absences, about his work, about making up stuff. He's never given me lip, I actually started to think there was something going on. I emailed his counselor and she said I needed to write a referral because "he's on a different level than the rest of our kids."
I went to Chicken Little's office today during my off hour. I didn't think it was fair to write him a referral when all I need them to know is that it seems like there's something going on. As I explained this, Chicken Little shut down and was really harsh when referring to the student. I didn't understand.
He point-blank told me that this kid would say "yes ma'am, sorry ma'am" and then turn around and take my wallet, then proceed to use my credit card and then turn back around and say "whew, ma'am, I haven't seen that wallet anywhere. I hope you find it ma'am." In essence, he told me the kid has all the resources he needs, but every day chooses to make the wrong choice. Yup. He is AF all over again... but hardcore criminal, not hardcore druggie.
I do not know much more. He wouldn't tell me much beyond the fact that the kid has a criminal record, used to have a parole officer, has tons of problems, but continues choosing the dark side over the jedi side.
It upset me so much. The tears just ran down my face as he enlightened me on the student's history. He told me I needed to stop worrying, because the mere fact that he is coming to my class, means he has a little bit of respect for me... since he doesn't show up for any other classes...
In essence, he needs to wake up one day and make a choice that doesn't impact him negatively and I can't do ANYTHING about him, his behavior or his apathy. His wake up call may come soon, in 20 years, or not at all.
I haven't ever wanted to change anyone so badly...
XOXO,
B
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